Once upon a time there was a wonderful place called Canad Inns Stadium. We must be careful not to speak about this time too loudly, but the memories of such a place warm us in this cold and horrible place and time we find ourselves in now.
There was parking for 33,000 vehicles within 20 steps of any entrance into the stadium. Hundreds of invisible doves flew constantly around the stadium and would sweep down and take anyone who could not walk these 20 steps easily and they would carry them right up to their seat. Every fan was treated with an incredible 7 course meal for the sum of $1, or pocket lint if they did not have a loonie.
It was such an incredible experience and everyone in the land was happy.
Then a dark cloud covered the land. An evil presence was felt by all in the great land of Winnipeg. A booming voice was heard by all and the ground trembled. It was the evil Asper!
The evil Asper tore down this beloved treasure, the Canad Inns Stadium. There was much weeping.
The evil Asper banished the invisible doves to the island of Hecla where they were forced to play golf on a deserted course day and night. There was much weeping - though they were also confused about the island of Hecla.
The evil Asper constructed a dungeon on a desolate and dark precipice of land that could only be reached by Sherpas riding mountain goats. The evil Asper then taxed the good people of the land of Winnipeg until they were all paupers in order to pay for his new dungeon that he named IGF. 10 times per year, the evil Asper and his evil henchmen would round up thousands of the now homeless people of Winnipeg and force them using pointed sticks and hobnail boots to walk the entire 100 mile stretch without the aid of mountain goats to reach his dungeon. While in this dungeon, the evil Asper forced the poor wretches to eat cold hotdogs and held them there until their families could find a way to scrape together the tonne of gold bricks that was needed to this sustenance. When the weather would get cold, he would even tell them that he had no hot chocolate! When the wailing was at its peak, they could hear the violin playing from the distant tower where the evil Asper would cackle and contemplate new indignities for his minions to endure while being held in his dungeon called the IGF.
And there was much weeping throughout the land.
Could there be a hero somewhere who could free the people of Winnipeg of their misery?